i had the most wonderful conversation a few weeks ago about friendship with my new gym partner, samantha.
she was upset because it seems that people on her end make plans and then to flake out last minute.
i told her not to worry, that it probably wasn't her---- it's just the sign of the times.
most people tend to flake out last minute (i being a huge offender myself at one point--- my NYR is not to flake out OR be honest about NOT wanting to do something).
but her point sparked a really good conversation in the sauna about friendship and types of friends that one tends to have in their lives.
obviously you're lucky if your childhood friends last into your adult life. i've heard from numerous people that they aren't friends with their childhood friends any longer. only a small percentage of the population can really say that--- obviously i haven't done any research into the matter, but i really believe it to be true. i consider myself lucky having a couple of childhood survive all the years, drama, tears, happiness------ to our adult lives.
but most people's childhood friendships don't survive until adulthood. why is that?! probably because those friends were most likely friends of convenience. they lived down the street. they sat next to you in class. you were still growing and at one point they had the same interests as you, but as you moved into young adulthood and eventually adulthood, the differences were painfully obvious and your friendship started to drift away. and most friendships tend to drift away due to life changes and transitions (marriage, jobs, distance, interests, etc.). and if your friends are not really experiencing the same sort of transitions and changes as you are, well it makes it that much harder to be friends.
some childhood friendships last---- even if you don't see or talk to the person every single day, your friendship picks up right were it left off (in my case, aimee, kris, and danielle). aimee and i don't talk every single day, nor do we hang out like we used to, but when we get together a few times throughout the year, we can have really good conversations and sorta pick up right were we left off. kris, well even though i haven't really seen him in years, we talk constantly via facebook. and danielle is someone i talk to almost every single day, even if i only see her a few times a year.
once you reach adulthood, you tend to make friends based on common interests. these friendships tend to last a little longer and could be more meaningful. after all, these people see you have serious break-ups, and usually support you through the many transitions and changes in life (job, moving out, marriage, babies-----yet maybe not ALL in that order).
in the end, i really feel that it comes down to transition. are your friends supportive of you when you are in a state of change in your life? are your friends willing to make the effort to contact you (at least a few times a year) or not?! are you supportive of your friends? are you willing to make the effort to talk to them?!
if you are willing to make the effort, the people that are truly your friends will make the effort back. and if you tend to notice that someone isn't making the same effort as you (or isn't making any sort of effort), is that person really your friend? and maybe they are and maybe they aren't, but you really need to reach out to that person and ask the tough questions.
now don't think that this was such an easy transition for me, because it wasn't. samantha is much younger, and when i was her age, i sorta felt the sting of friendship and was very confused by it....
friendship was hard for me at one point and i am sure it will never be a smooth road for me or for anyone. but as i got older, i understood that not everyone can hang out like we once did when we were kids. and i now understand that being close friends with someone doesn't mean how often i see them, instead it's the balance of what we both contribute to the friendship.
